Oh....

You mean you want me to actually write on this blog?

Just a month or so ago I (sort of) quite Facebook. Unofficially. I still get on, infrequently, to keep up with most of you and others, but I was spending so much time on there it was redic. And the worst part was I was not interested in most of the posts anyway. So many posts about religious/political/moral/ethical stuff. Blech.

Most of my "photography forum" is not on Facebook. If you were a part of any forums, a lot of them have been run aground because of Facebook. Especially the ones that charged money. At least my photography ones. So most of my 100 photog friends are now connected by Facebook and a lot of them are connected to 5 other photography groups on Facebook.

So, instead of Facebook I've been concentrating on myself. Ha. That sounds narcissistic, doesn't it? When I say 'myself' I really mean...myself...as well as my kids, my husband, my household, etc.

In addition to that, more importantly, I've "quit" my photography business. Are you a business owner? It sort of sucks. Unless you are the owner if Walmart or Nordstrom or any other national or widely known company. And when your competition occurs every other block, it's frustrating and demanding and time/mind consuming. When I say mind consuming, as a woman (and I think it has a lot to do with BEING a woman), I thought if my business All. The. Time. Seriously. Very waking moment almost.

How to I get better at what I do?

How do I grow?

How do I become a better business woman?

How do I market?

Where does that money come from?

How do I compete?

And these are just the surface questions. I love the challenge of working with my clients, but I hate the competition. And most "photography businesses" are owned by women. And women are mean. Or they can be. They do things to each other. They talk about each other. It got to the point that I'd rather bring in or make "my" money (money to fund my habit or feel like I'm contributing) by going to work at Starbucks or wherever. That way when I'm not at work, I don't THINK about work.

It's not that I don't want to think. It's not even that I don't want the challenge of owning my own business. But owning a business costs money. Like, real money, not just passion. I say that because when you tell people you're a photographer or they find out, they think you should just carry your camera everywhere, especially when you're with them, and take pictures of their kids and share those pictures with them. For free.

Story. When we first moved to Portland in 2011 I went to a water area with a new friend and her kids so they could play together and cool off at the same time. She literally said to me, "feel free to take pictures of my kids while you're at it." Come again?

I love photography. I love the community that I'm a part of. The ladies are amazing. The part I didn't like was THINKING ABOUT MY BUSINESS all the time. And this is why.

I was drained. I was stressed because I was thinking and stressed all the time. And in turn...I was yelling at the kids, being frustrated with the kids, usually NOT because of them!!! I hated myself.

Well, these are all parts of what I call the Project: Happy. Not really. I just came up with that. But anything else I come up with sounds just as hokey so I'll go with it.

So, I just wanted to catch you all up, a little.

Having said that, in order to see Aaron and Delaney's updated rooms, you've got to go to my blog, www.dawnkitley.com. :). I will have my business blog and my tax I.D. number. I need to apply for my Olympia business license because if paying work comes up, I'm legit (which is part of my frustration, half of photographers charging money out there aren't legit). Basically, technically I'll still be a business owner, I just won't be bringing any money in. It's taken a new turn. I've donated my time and talent to my church (our pastors) and our church planters families.

Pray for me. Pray for us. I and we want to be happy!!! And I don't want to just sit around saying that I want to be happy. I want to actually do something about it.

:)